Chemo Brain Stole My Salt
So here’s the deal: I’ve had exactly one chemo treatment so far. One. And already I’m asking myself—do I get to blame my senior moments on chemo brain?
I vote yes.
Honestly, I’d much rather believe it’s the poison coursing through my veins than the slow, depressing rot of my aging corpus. Chemo brain sounds quirky. Aging brain sounds tragic. And I’m sticking with quirky.
Case in point: the great Salt and Baking Soda Debacle.
The Plan (So Simple. Too Simple.)
Every cancer veteran knows the drill—mouth rinse with salt + baking soda + water. Prevents sores, keeps your mouth from turning into a war zone. Easy peasy.
So I head to the store. The list? Just two items: salt and baking soda. That’s it. Nothing fancy.
The Execution (Or Lack Thereof)
Twenty minutes later, I’m wandering the aisles like a confused raccoon. Suddenly I’ve got a buggy (that’s southern for “cart,” by the way) full of groceries I didn’t mean to buy.
Fine. No big deal. I drag myself to self-checkout. Don’t even get me started on that circus. The “attendant” was a cute blonde who thought her actual job was ignoring crotchety old ladies while gossiping with her co-workers.
But whatever—I scan my stuff, wrangle my bags, and haul everything home. Victory!
The Punchline (Guess What’s Missing)
SALT And BAKING SODA.
Not in the bags. Not in the car. Not in the house. I even gave the dog the side-eye like, “Did you eat it?” Nope.
Did the cute blonde steal them for margarita night? Did I hallucinate them into my buggy? Did the universe just decide, “Nope, sweetheart, we want your mouth to suffer”? Who knows.
The Moral (Or Excuse)
It will be a cold day in hell before I march back into that store with my receipt and admit I forgot to pick up the only two things I came to the store to purchase. Not happening.
So yes—chemo brain gets the blame. Because “the poison stole my salt” sounds way better than “grandma forgot her stuff.”
💡 Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of “What Did Chemo Brain Steal This Week?”
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