Category: 🎤 Cancer: Tried It. Do Not Recommend.

Stories from the cancer battlefield — recovery, resilience, humor, and refusing to let cancer have the last word.

  • Someplace Wonderful

    Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

    Eleven years ago, we got married for the fourth time.

    That sentence sounds like the setup to a joke, and honestly, we’ve both earned the right to tell one. We’d each learned a few things along the way—some the easy way, some the “well, that was a choice” way.

    By the time we met, we’d both been around the block a few times. But we met at just the right time. When we fell in love, it was just us, full of hopes and dreams and a world of possibilities. I didn’t know exactly where those dreams would lead, but I had a feeling that as long as I was with you, I’d end up someplace good.

    We both feel blessed that our paths crossed when they did. Maybe God sent us. Maybe we’d finally learned enough to recognize our best friend when we found them. Either way, it has been so right.

    We’ve raised kids, weathered the usual bumps, and now that we’re both retired, we spend a whole lot of time together. Happily, it turns out he still likes me even when there’s no workday to separate us. Most days.

    Last year brought the biggest hurdle yet: cancer. He was there through all of it—steady, loving, and right beside me, even when I’m sure I wasn’t the easiest person to be beside. I don’t have fancy words for what that meant. I just know I never had to face it alone.

    Eleven years in, I’m still grateful I get to do life with my best friend. Apparently, the fourth time really was the charm.

    Happy anniversary, Richard. I love you. As long as I’m with you, I’m someplace wonderful.

    -Pattie

  • Then They Schedule The Next Scan

    Then They Schedule The Next Scan

    The doctor smiled.

    “Everything looks good.  No evidence of disease.”

    Hubby smiled.

    I smiled.

    But inside…

    someone screamed,

    I can’t keep doing this.

    It’s just too much.


    The celebration lasts about five minutes.

    Then they schedule the next scan.


    Somewhere around the three-month mark…

    the music starts.

    And I know it’s time to dance.

    I stop trusting my body.

    That backache?

    Probably from lifting boxes.

    Or maybe not.

    That pain in my side?

    Probably getting older.

    Or maybe not.


    The dance begins.

    First the blood work.

    Then the scan.

    Then the appointment.

    Same building.
    Same smells.
    Same chairs.


    Same people smiling kindly

    while my body remembers

    the fight of my life.  

    This isn’t my first time.

    I know the steps by heart.

    Smile.

    Joke with the receptionist.

    Tell Hubby I’m sure everything will be fine.

    Tell my family not to worry.

    Tell myself not to worry.

    And hope…

    If I say it enough times…

    I can believe it.


    They warned me the chemotherapy would take my hair.

    They warned me it would make me sick.

    They warned me I’d be tired.

    Nobody warned me that remission would have side effects too.


    Logically, I think it through.  

    The cancer I had was not caught by the blood work.

    So I don’t have to worry about that.

    Logically, I do the comparisons.

    Six months ago a PET scan showed nothing.

    A PET scan is more complete than a CT scan.

    Therefore, there will be  nothing on the CT scan.


    I argued my case like a lawyer.

    The evidence was solid.

    My body objected anyway.


    Because the body doesn’t work on logic.

    My body remembers what it felt like to hear, “It’s back.”

    My heart remembers the panic.

    My mind remembers my fear.

    And even my tears

    can only be held back for so long.


    Every clear scan…

    costs me

    a little piece of myself.


    Cancer may be in remission.

    Fear remembers every detail.

    So for the next two years…

    every three months…

    I’ll do the dance.

    And every three months…

    I’ll have to teach my heart

    what my CT scan already knows. 


    I got the news on Wednesday.

    “No evidence of disease.”

    Today is Thursday.

    I’ve cried most of the day.

    Not because the news was bad.

    Because my heart is finally letting go of everything it carried getting here.


    The celebration lasted about five minutes.

    In about ten weeks…

    the music will start again.


    If you know someone living scan to scan…

    remember…

    they aren’t just waiting for results.

    they’re reliving the day their life changed.

    Every.

    Single.

    Time.

    -Pattie

  • The View From Here

    The View From Here

    I recently spent a few days relaxing at the beach.

    And somewhere between the dunes and the ocean…

    I realized something.

    The beach isn’t what changed.

    I did.


    When I picture the perfect beach,

    I think of peaceful joy.

    The beautiful view.

    The sound of the waves.

    Sea birds gliding overhead.

    Cool water on my feet.


    Then reality showed up.

    If getting to the beach requires hiking through the dunes…

    it’s too far.

    If the walk back to the restroom requires prior planning…

    we’ve crossed the line from vacation to endurance event.

    If cars are driving up and down the beach…

    it’s too trafficky.

    If I have to carry my own refreshments…

    I will not be refreshed.

    If it’s raining…

    it’s too wet.

    If it’s sunny…

    it’s too hot.

    If everyone around me is laughing, splashing, and having the best day ever…

    it’s too loud.

    And if all of those things happen on the same beach…

    I’m going back to the hotel.


    And somewhere between the ocean…

    and the hotel…

    I realized something.

    I just love the version of the beach that comes with

    a big beach umbrella,

    comfortable lounge chairs,

    someone wandering by every so often asking,

    “Would you like another drink?”

    “Can I bring you lunch?”

    and absolutely no requirement that I earn the view.


    Apparently…

    my idea of the perfect beach changed

    right along with me.

    These days,

    ‘m less “beach person”…

    and more “beach resort person.”


    And honestly…

    I’m okay with that.


    After surviving cancer twice,

    I’m learning that choosing the comfrotable chair

    isn’t giving up.

    Sometimes…

    it’s simply self-care.

    And I have a feeling

    we could all use

    a little more of that.

    -Pattie

    P.S. Tell me about your perfect beach day. What does it absolutely have to include?

  • I Miss That Woman

    I Miss That Woman

    One of the great lies of modern technology is that we can no longer get lost.

    We have GPS.

    We have smartphones.

    We have interactive maps.

    We have little blue dots that tell us exactly where we are.

    And yet, over the course of five days at Universal Studios, I was lost so often that I began to suspect my little blue dot was just making things up.

    The problem, as it turns out, is that theme parks apparently believe maps should be viewed on screens approximately the size of a saltine cracker.


    I used to be the person who got us where we needed to go.

    Although directionally challenged, I could read maps. Paper maps. Solid maps where the top was the top and the bottom was the bottom. Maps that did not suddenly rotate because I shifted my weight or turned my body fifteen degrees to the left.

    Maps where you could look at the route and say, “I need to turn right here.”

    Or, “I better turn left there.”

    Not arrows that changed direction on the whim of the gods.

    As a single mom, I took my two children on adventures all over the place.

    I studied maps before we left home.

    I highlighted routes.

    I planned for confusing intersections.

    I took them to amusement parks, water parks, state parks, and places we had never seen before.

    We didn’t get lost.

    And perhaps more importantly, we didn’t ask for directions.


    I miss that woman.

    The woman with the highlighted map.

    The woman who trusted herself.

    The woman who could look at a route and know where she was going.

    Now?

    Now I am standing in a theme park holding a saltine cracker with a battery.

    Trying to determine whether the tiny arrow is pointing where I need to go or whether it has once again decided that True North is the most important information in my life.

    As if I routinely navigate by the stars.

    As if Lewis and Clark are waiting on me.

    As if anybody other than Eagle Scouts knows where True North is at any given moment.

    And because life enjoys piling on, I can’t see worth a damn out of the eye that needs cataract surgery.

    A weakness for another day.

    If I enlarge the map, I lose where I’m going.

    If I shrink the map, I lose where I am.

    And somewhere between those two settings lies the exact point where I begin questioning all my life choices.


    One afternoon of our Universal adventure, I was happily settled in Celestial Park.

    Soft music.

    Shade.

    Air conditioning.

    Comfortable seating with actual backs.

    Civilized beverages served in actual glass glasses.

    In other words, paradise.

    Then came the text.

    “Come meet us at Mead Hall.”

    Simple enough.

    Except Mead Hall was in the Isle of Berk.

    But I was not.

    And the app, despite being connected to celestial satellites orbiting the earth, seemed unwilling to share that information in a useful manner.

    I zoomed.

    I swiped.

    I rotated.

    I squinted.

    I tried again.

    At one point I was no longer certain whether the map was lost or I was.


    Finally, I found an information booth.

    And there, like a gift from heaven itself, was a paper map.

    A solid map.

    A trustworthy map.

    A map that stayed still.

    Within seconds, I had figured out exactly where I needed to go.

    But then something happened that bothered me more than being lost.

    I asked anyway.


    Not because I didn’t know.

    Because I wasn’t sure I trusted myself.

    When did that happen? 

    The employee confirmed what I already thought.

    I was right.

    Confirmation that I had become the unconfident woman.


    Eventually I found the portal to Berk.

    I could see the giant tower thing ahead of me.

    The roads split left and right.

    The app was no help.

    The signs were questionable.

    My confidence was fading.

    I chose a direction.

    Then another.

    Then another.


    At one point I found myself sitting on a rock trying very hard not to cry over a theme park map.

    Which is not a sentence I ever expected to write.

    About then, Hubby texted.

    “Where are you?”

    Well, if I knew that, I wouldn’t be sitting on a rock, would I?

    I didn’t send that response.

    I told him I was sitting under a sign that said:

    LOST ELDER. HAVE PITY.

    A few minutes later I finally asked another stranger for help.

    Again.

    And eventually I made it.

    Exhausted.

    Frustrated.

    Relieved.

    And more emotional than the situation probably warranted.

    Because the truth is, this wasn’t really about finding Mead Hall.

    It wasn’t even about the map.

    It was about confidence.


    I used to be the person who found the way.

    The map reader.

    The route planner.

    The woman with the highlighted atlas riding shotgun.

    Now I’m the person who asks strangers for directions.

    And I hate that.

    Or maybe I hate what I think it says about me.

    Because the truth is, I did find my way.

    I found the information booth.

    I found the paper map.

    I found the right bridge eventually.

    I even found Hubby.


    Maybe the problem isn’t that I can no longer find my way.

    Maybe the problem is that I’ve spent so much of my life believing strength meant never needing help that every request for directions feels like failure.

    And maybe, four months shy of seventy, after a year that included cancer, chemo, cataracts, and a Universal Studios app apparently designed by squirrels, that’s a lesson worth learning.

    Even if I’d still rather have a paper map.

    One story down. Several margaritas to go.

    -Pattie


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  • I Knew Better

    I Knew Better

    As I write this, we are on Day Three (of Five) of Liddle S’kiddle’s Family Senior Trip to Universal Studios Orlando.

    Against all logic, reason, and personal preference, I am still alive.


    Accompanying me on this adventure are Hubby, Senior S’kiddle, Middle S’kiddle, Middle S’kiddle’s boyfriend Redbeard (currently enjoying a favorable performance review), and of course, Liddle S’kiddle.


    To say I don’t enjoy amusement parks is like saying the Pope is a little bit Catholic.

    I am not comfortable in big crowds.

    Short people, you know what I mean.

    We are overlooked down here.

    Stepped over.

    Bumped into.

    And back in the days when everybody smoked? Burned.

    My PTSD still burns bright.

    Loud noises confuse me and make it difficult for me to think.

    I do not like to ride rides, mostly because I really do not want to stand in lines.

    And finally, I do not like to be hot and sweaty.

    Despite the facts, and because of my love for all the S’kiddles, I let hope overrule experience.


    I knew.

    We took this trip before when all the S’kiddles were little, sans Redbeard of course, and neither I nor they have changed. 

    They still disagree frequently and loudly:  on food, on clothes, on makeup, and existentially – boys. 

    They remain completely different human beings with wildly different definitions of fun.

    In addition, just two days before leaving on this trip, I dropped the edge of a 30-pound design wall onto my big toe…

    and it landed squarely on the nail root—

    that tender little patch of flesh where the nail emerges from the skin

    and pain goes to live.

    I’m not gonna lie.

    I cried like my foot had been amputated with a butter knife.

    Oh, and let’s not forget that I am sneaking up on seventy whether I approve of it or not.

    Or that I had cancer last year and had my last chemo treatment after Christmas. I forget about it more often than you’d think – until my body reminds me that IT has not.

    In other words, I arrived at Universal carrying a bruised toe, post-chemo stamina, sensory overload issues, and a lifelong dislike of amusement parks.

    The odds were not in my favor.


    First stop: Super Nintendo World.  Three stories of noise, music, children, and heat aimed directly at your soul.

    My circuits overloaded within five minutes –

    full-on senior brain seizure. 

    Next stop: Donkey Kong – kingdom of intense heat and sanity-invading drumbeats. 

    Two hour wait in the sun while the “children” – all of them adults, every one capable of being left unsupervised –  rode a roller coaster that turned out to be their least favorite.  

    And Hubby and I, still mid-brain seizure – never thought to seek shade and comfort just steps away. 


    Pull up a chair. There is no way this trip fits into one story.

    Frankly, it may take three margaritas and a miniseries.

    -Pattie

    P.S.  Consider this Episode One of The Universal Chronicles. More to come – pace yourselves.


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