Third Act With Pattie

Category: šŸ• Sassy Says

Life according to Sassy ā€” a slightly confused but highly observant dog trying to understand what her humans are doing now that theyā€™re both home all the time.

  • The Wonderdog Strike: Until Further Notice

    Let me explain how we got here.

    Earlier todayā€¦
    there was a situation.

    A stranger approached the house.
    There was movement.
    There were sounds.
    There wasā€¦ paperwork.

    I took action.

    I alerted.
    I warned.
    I escalated appropriately.

    Managementā€™s response?

    ā€œRelax.ā€

    Relax.

    And that is when I knewā€¦

    this ā€œcity houseā€ organization no longer values my contributions.

    Alsoā€”while weā€™re discussing concernsā€”
    stranger people keep coming to this house.

    They walk through.
    They look at things.
    They touch things.

    Things that were very clearly
    not previously up for discussion.

    And againā€¦

    paperwork.

    This does not happen at the lake.

    Just noting that.

    So today, I have made a decision.

    I will be lying in bed.

    Not my bed.
    That would suggest cooperation.

    Their bed.

    ā€œWhy would the Wonderdog lie in bed all day?ā€ you ask.

    Because I am on strike.

    Until management learns to take my very real, very serious security concerns seriouslyā€¦

    I will be doing no dog things.

    I will not sit on my section of the sectional.
    (My assigned post. Abandoned.)

    I will sit wherever I want.
    Including restricted zones.

    I will not lie on my bed.
    Or in my house.

    Those are for team players.

    I will lie on managementā€™s bed.
    Where the pillows are much better,
    but the decisions that led me here remain questionable.

    I will not eat meals.

    Meals are part of the system.

    I will eat snacks only.

    Secretly, furtively.

    And if you see me eating a snackā€¦
    no you didnā€™t.

    I will not be participating when danger approaches.

    No alerts.
    No barking.
    No heroic hallway sprints.

    Strangers may enter.

    At this point, I assume they were invited.

    They may take whatever they want.Ā 

    (For the love of bacon-they already are.)

    Todayā€¦

    I am lying on managementā€™s bed.

    Uninvited.
    Unbothered.
    Re-evaluating my role in this ā€œcity houseā€ organization.

    And I am on strike.

    Until further notice.

    Or until someone admits
    that the situation earlierā€¦

    ā€”with the stranger,
    the touching,
    and the paperworkā€”

    was, in fact,

    a situation.

    And if the sectional disappears nextā€¦

    just knowā€”

    I saw it coming.
    I warned you.
    I documented it.

    And I will be taking my talents,
    my snacks,
    and my unmatched security expertiseā€¦

    to the lake houseā€”
    where the birds are suspicious,
    the squirrels are clearly plotting,
    and whatever that thing was by the water
    at least didnā€™t carry paperwork.

    Alsoā€”
    no one there ever tells me to ā€œrelax.ā€

    Out there, itā€™s not usedā€¦ incorrectly.

    šŸ¾ Sassy The Wonderdog

    If you made it this far, we’re basically on the same side of this dispute.

    No spam. No Nonsense. Just stories.

  • No One Seems Concerned But Me

    Yā€™allā€¦

    I am not going to get worked up about this.

    I donā€™t have the energy.

    I have things to guard.
    The few things that are still here.

    Because strangers keep coming to the “city” house.

    They pull up.
    I hear them.
    I take my position.

    (Security is clearly a one-dog department.)

    I start the growl.

    Mama: ā€œNo, Sassy.ā€

    They walk up.
    They ring the bell.

    I bark. Stranger danger.

    Mama: ā€œQuiet, Sassy.ā€

    Iā€™m sorryā€”
    who exactly is handling security then?

    Because from where Iā€™m standing,
    it is me.

    I understand that they don’t speak dog, but this isn’t advanced communication.

    This is intro-level dog.

    Growl = problem. Bark = bigger problem

    And yet –

    Daddy opens the door…

    ā€¦and lets them in.

    Just… invites the situation inside.

    Now these people walk around
    looking at my things.

    Things I have personally supervised for years.

    And thenā€”

    they pointā€¦

    hand Daddy some paperā€¦

    and suddenly itā€™s theirs.

    Gone.

    And apparently this is special “green” paper.

    Now I donā€™t know if you are aware,
    but dogs do not see colors the same way you do.

    So from where Iā€™m standingā€”
    that is not green.

    That is justā€¦ paper.

    Paper you cannot eat.
    (Yes. I checked. More than once.)

    How is that paper is worth more
    than my belongings.

    Make that make sense.

    Because last time I carried something off,
    that was called a problem.

    But if a stranger does it
    and waves around their not-green paperā€”

    suddenly itā€™s fine.

    We’ve got a real loophole situation here.

    And this didnā€™t even start inside the house.

    First it was the yard.

    Daddy brought a bunch of things from his ā€œextra houseā€
    and put them out there.

    I went to inspect.

    Tiny tables.
    Little Chairs.
    Mini beds.

    Mini beds.

    For… who exactly?

    Because I have never seen a mini person in this house.

    Not one.

    So I donā€™t know what Daddy has going on out thereā€¦
    but I have concerns.

    Serious concerns.

    And then people just came
    and took that stuff too.

    No questions.
    No approvals.
    No Sassy involvement whatsoever.

    So now here we are.

    Strangers in the house.
    Things disappearing.
    Paper changing hands.

    And me?

    I am guarding whatā€™s left
    with very little patience
    and absolutely no trust in this system.

    Because clearly,
    no one seems concerned…

    but me.

    Sassy The Wonderdog.

    ā€¦

    Anyway.

    I donā€™t have time to keep explaining this.

    Iā€™ve got a house to watch.

    And a section of the sectional to defend.

    Because I am a very good girl. šŸ¾


    ā€” Sassy The Wonderdog šŸ¾

    Still waiting to be included in major decisions…

    Subscribe for updates.
    I will allow it. ā€”Sassy

  • They Have Lost Their Doggone Minds Two Houses. Three People. Zero Good Decisions.

    They Have Lost Their Doggone Minds Two Houses. Three People. Zero Good Decisions.

    Yā€™allā€¦
    itā€™s official.

    They have lost their doggone minds.
    Both. Of. Them. Completely.

    I heard them talking yesterday
    about leaving the lake house
    and going back to the city house.

    Excuse me??

    I was having an excellent time at the lake house.
    The weather was nice.
    The birds were active.
    The squirrels were bold.
    (A mistake on their part.)

    I had a full schedule.

    As usualā€¦
    nobody asked me.

    Then I watched them carry out
    a whole bunch of stuff
    and load it into the truck.

    Seemed like a bad idea.

    I mean, we are supposed to be moving
    TO the lake house.

    Notā€¦ practicing leaving it.

    Mama and I drove back in the car.
    Daddy drove the truck.

    He got there first.
    Which is not surprising.

    Mama is a slower driver.
    Not badā€¦
    justā€¦ deeply committed to taking her time.

    We walk in the house
    and Daddy says:

    ā€œWe have to go back.ā€

    Mama and I just stared at him
    with wide open eyes.

    (I taught her that look. Sheā€™s improving.)

    Before either of us could respond,
    he says:

    ā€œI left my wallet at the lake houseā€¦ I think.”

    Sir ???

    We just got here.

    Mama and I looked at each other.

    I donā€™t know exactly what Mama was thinking,
    but Iā€™m fairly certain
    it involved some words
    I do not use.

    Because,

    I am a very good girl.

    After a long discussion
    (where I was, once again, not consulted),
    they decided:

    We would stay the night
    and go back in the morning.

    Daddy said we had to leave early
    because of spring break.

    Spring break.

    You know whoā€™s not on spring break?

    Me.

    Iā€™m on ā€œget in the car, Sassy.ā€

    Mama did not seem nearly as concerned
    about spring break
    as she was about her sanity.

    Next thing I know,
    it is not even light outside
    and I am being loaded into the car.

    Again.

    Let me explain something:

    It is a long, long, long ride
    for a dog.

    And since Mama had to drive,
    we took her car.

    Which meansā€”

    Daddy sat in my seat.

    My seat.

    Without discussion.
    Without permission.

    I was moved
    to the back seat.

    The unacceptable seat.
    The seat where you cannot see out properly.
    The seat of poor life decisions.

    After a very long time,
    we got back to the lake.

    Mama let me out
    to ā€œhandle my business.ā€

    Which I did.
    Efficiently.
    Like a professional.

    We went upstairs,
    went insideā€¦

    and thenā€¦

    we were there
    for about five minutes.

    Five. Minutes.

    I hadnā€™t even finished
    smushing down my bed.

    (Another thing humans do wrongā€”
    they just sit down
    without preparing the spot first.
    Itā€™s chaos.)

    Daddy found his wallet.

    In the clothes hamper.

    In the pocket of his pants.

    ā€¦This is exactly why
    dogs do not wear pants.

    Or fully trust people who do.

    Then we went
    right back downstairs,
    right back into the car.

    Mama is now in my seat.
    I am once again
    in the terrible back seat.

    For another
    long, long, long ride.

    I did not ask
    to participate in this adventure.

    I could have stayed home
    on my section of the sectional.

    In peace.
    In dignity.

    But no.

    Nobody asked me.

    They never do.

    And that is exactly how I knowā€¦

    they have lost their doggone minds.

    šŸ¾ Sassy the Wonderdog

    Subscribe for updates.
    I will allow it. ā€”Sassy

  • Still Nobody Asked Me

    Still Nobody Asked Me

    šŸ•A Sassy Says Post

    I have concerns.

    Serious concerns.

    Let me explain.

    Do we live in the city house?

    Do we live at the lake?

    Because apparently..

    we live in two houses now.


    There are three people in this household.

    Three.

    And somehow, still nobody asked me.

    I have thoughts.

    Important and strategic thoughts.

    No one asked for them. But here we are.

    For example.

    I like the city house.

    It’s big.

    It has excellent laying-down spots.

    And I have my own section of the couch.

    Thatā€™s why they call it a sectional.

    I donā€™t make the rules.

    Now…

    I donā€™t hate the lake house.

    But it has a lot of steps.

    Mama says Iā€™m fast on the steps because I have four legs.

    That is not how this works.

    Four legs is twice the effort.

    Also, while Mama had that ā€œCā€ disease, I had responsibilities.

    I had to make sure she ate.

    Snacks.

    Lots of snacks.

    To prove they were safe, I sampled them first.

    Repeatedly.

    I sacrificed myself.

    Because, after all, I am a very good girl.


    And yes… I may have gained a little weight.

    Those steps areā€¦ less friendly when you are generously nourished.

    Now let’s talk yards.

    The city house has a fenced backyard.

    A secure back yard.

    The kind where a girl can nap in the sun without worrying about creepy things sneaking up on her.

    The lake house?

    No fence.

    And it has those creepy blue birds

    They Swoop down…

    ….and then WALK ON WATER.

    Explain that.

    Also –

    The city house has two perfect pillows on my couch section.

    Excellent for bone hiding.

    The lake house?

    No proper bone storage system.

    Althoughā€¦

    I have identified a chair nobody sits in.

    That may work.

    Now, here is something interesting.

    At the city house, Daddy is gone all day.

    At the lake hosue…

    He is here all the time.

    I am not saying that matters.

    But I am also not not saying that.

    And….

    The lake house does have a very nice deck.

    Mama drinks her coffee there.

    We watch the ducks in the morning

    In the afternoon, we watch the boats.

    It’s a very strong observation position.

    Also important –

    The lake house has lots of doors and windows.

    Excellent for surveillance

    The city house?

    Very poor viewing situation.

    So.

    After careful consideration…

    (and one very serious bone session)

    I have made a decision

    The lake house will be acceptable.

    Possibly even good.

    But let the record show –

    this was not a group decision.


    ā€” Sassy The Wonderdog šŸ¾

    Still waiting to be included in major decisions…

    Subscribe for updates.
    I will allow it. ā€”Sassy