Tag: love

  • The Last S’kiddle Leaves the Nest

    The Last S’kiddle Leaves the Nest

    Last weekend, we helped Middle S’kiddle move into her first place.

    And just like that… our house got quieter in a way I wasn’t quite prepared for. Not empty.
    Not sad exactly. Just… different.


    What is a S’kiddle, you ask?

    Fair question.

    When my husband and I got married, we didn’t just bring two people into a house —
    we brought a whole collection of people into one life. He had three daughters — one in high school and two still in grade school.

    And I came with two grown children, their spouses… and my one and only granddaughter — who at fifteen already very clear about her place in my life and my heart.

    So there were a lot of personalities – and a lot of opinions. And, as it turns out, a real need for creative naming.

    In the beginning, like all raised-right Southern children, they called me Miss Pattie.

    Which was completely appropriate. But also a little much for everyday life… and the occasional tattling.

    Somewhere along the way – maybe when they realized I could be trusted to stay — Miss Pattie quietly shifted into S’Mom.

    (There may have been a trial period. I like to think I passed.)

    I loved S’Mom – but it did leave me with a naming problem.

    Because “stepdaughter” made me sound like the evil stepmother of fairytales, and “S’daughter” felt awkward.

    “S’kid” sounded like I was already annoyed with them…which, to be clear, would come later — just not yet.

    So with a little thought — and a healthy dose of mischief — we landed on S’kiddle. Like the candy, colorful, sweet, and each one a completely differend flavor.

    And once we said it out loud…that was it.

    So they became:

    Senior S’kiddle
    Middle S’kiddle
    and Liddle S’kiddle

    And somehow… those names stuck — and they remain S’kiddles to this day… and probably always will.

    Middle S’kiddle has lived with us full-time since graduation, but long before that, she was part of a life built across two homes, with four parents who all loved her in their own ways.

    That’s just how her story was written. And honestly… it worked.

    She is her father’s spitting image — practical and very determined. Her job is here, and so are her friends.

    Liddle S’kiddle, her mother’s mini-me – is planning to stay very close to her mama’s house for college – her story unfolding in a completely different way, but just as much her own.

    Neither S’kiddle has any interest in trading their lives for lake view and retirement wandering – especially with both of us home all the time.

    Which means…

    Middle S’kiddle will not be joining us full-time in the Third Act.

    And we will be missing our built-in voice of reason —
    and her daily recaps of life as she sees it… whether we agreed with her or not.

    But before any of that really had time to settle in…

    She had been moving things all week — carloads here, boxes there —
    so by the time the weekend rolled around, we were feeling pretty confident.

    Just the bedroom furniture. A dining room table and four chairs. Six blocks down the road.

    How hard could that be?

    Well … let me just say this:

    There is no such thing as “just a few things.” And there is definitely no such thing as a “quick move.” Even when it’s only six blocks.

    (Especially when it’s only six blocks, because apparently that gives you false confidence and bad judgment.)

    Because this wasn’t just helping her set up her new place. This was the last S’kiddle leaving our home.


    And here’s the part nobody really prepares you for:

    It doesn’t feel like a big, dramatic ending.

    There’s no music playing. No slow-motion goodbye. No moment where everyone stands still and says, “Well… this is it.”

    Instead, you carry a box, adjust a chair debate where the couch should go like its a life-altering decision… and somewhere in the middle of all that, life changes.

    She’s only six blocks away. We’ll see her all the time. Northing is really ending.

    And yet… everything is a little different now.

    Because this — this right here – is what the Third Act looks like.

    Not loud. Not dramatic.

    Just a quiet shift from raising a life… to watching it go live on its own.

    And the truth is…this moment doesn’t belong to just us.

    It belongs to all of the parents who helped shape her —in both of the families that became one.

    And honestly?

    She’s ready.

    (But I would like the record to reflect that having someone around who kept us grounded
    and occasionally made more sense than we did was very convenient…and will be deeply missed.)


    And just in case life felt like it was getting a little too quiet…

    Senior S’kiddle is getting married this fall.

    So I’m fairly certain this is not the end of the stories —
    just a brief pause before the chaos resumes.

    If you’re still smiling,
    pull up a chair on the deck…

    We’ll raise a glass,
    watch the water sparkle,

    and see what happens next.

    – Pattie


    🐾 Sassy Says

    Again… nobody asked me.

    I am really going to miss Middle S’kiddle.

    I like to mess with her and bark every time she comes home – like I don’t have any idea who is breaking into the house. She doesn’t realize i already know her car, her footsteps, and her smell without even looking.

    So she always comes in with hugs and love… to calm me down. (It works Every time.)

    I am a Wonderdog like that.

    She comes home at lunch with chicken most days. She eats on the couch — where I can properly supervise — and she always leaves a little bit behind.

    I know she does it on purpose.

    What exactly am I supposed to do now?

    Lower my standards?

    🐾🍗🍿

    If you made it this far, we’re basically friends.

    No spam. No nonsense. Just stories.

  • They Have Lost Their Doggone Minds                                                                                                                                                                                        Two Houses. Three People. Zero Good Decisions.

    They Have Lost Their Doggone Minds Two Houses. Three People. Zero Good Decisions.

    Y’all…
    it’s official.

    They have lost their doggone minds.
    Both. Of. Them. Completely.


    I heard them talking yesterday
    about leaving the lake house
    and going back to the city house.

    Excuse me??

    I was having an excellent time at the lake house.
    The weather was nice.
    The birds were active.
    The squirrels were bold.
    (A mistake on their part.)

    I had a full schedule.

    As usual…
    nobody asked me.

    Then I watched them carry out
    a whole bunch of stuff
    and load it into the truck.

    Seemed like a bad idea.

    I mean, we are supposed to be moving
    TO the lake house.

    Not… practicing leaving it.


    Mama and I drove back in the car.
    Daddy drove the truck.

    He got there first.
    Which is not surprising.

    Mama is a slower driver.
    Not bad…
    just… deeply committed to taking her time.


    We walk in the house
    and Daddy says:

    “We have to go back.”

    Mama and I just stared at him
    with wide open eyes.

    (I taught her that look. She’s improving.)

    Before either of us could respond,
    he says:

    “I left my wallet at the lake house… I think.”

    Sir ???

    We just got here.

    Mama and I looked at each other.

    I don’t know exactly what Mama was thinking,
    but I’m fairly certain
    it involved some words
    I do not use.

    Because,

    I am a very good girl.

    After a long discussion
    (where I was, once again, not consulted),
    they decided:

    We would stay the night
    and go back in the morning.

    Daddy said we had to leave early
    because of spring break.

    Spring break.

    You know who’s not on spring break?

    Me.

    I’m on “get in the car, Sassy.”

    Mama did not seem nearly as concerned
    about spring break
    as she was about her sanity.

    Next thing I know,
    it is not even light outside
    and I am being loaded into the car.

    Again.


    Let me explain something:

    It is a long, long, long ride
    for a dog.

    And since Mama had to drive,
    we took her car.

    Which means—

    Daddy sat in my seat.

    My seat.

    Without discussion.
    Without permission.

    I was moved
    to the back seat.

    The unacceptable seat.
    The seat where you cannot see out properly.
    The seat of poor life decisions.

    After a very long time,
    we got back to the lake.

    Mama let me out
    to “handle my business.”

    Which I did.
    Efficiently.
    Like a professional.

    We went upstairs,
    went inside…

    and then…

    we were there
    for about five minutes.

    Five. Minutes.

    I hadn’t even finished
    smushing down my bed.

    (Another thing humans do wrong—
    they just sit down
    without preparing the spot first.
    It’s chaos.)

    Daddy found his wallet.

    In the clothes hamper.

    In the pocket of his pants.

    …This is exactly why
    dogs do not wear pants.

    Or fully trust people who do.

    Then we went
    right back downstairs,
    right back into the car.

    Mama is now in my seat.
    I am once again
    in the terrible back seat.

    For another
    long, long, long ride.


    I did not ask
    to participate in this adventure.

    I could have stayed home
    on my section of the sectional.

    In peace.
    In dignity.

    But no.

    Nobody asked me.

    They never do.

    And that is exactly how I know…

    they have lost their doggone minds.

    🐾 Sassy the Wonderdog

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    I will allow it. —Sassy

  • Crescent Walking Away From Cancer Girl…

    How long will it be before I stop introducing myself as
    “Hi, I’m Pattie, recent cancer patient currently in remission”?

    Like it’s my job title.

    Like the rest of my personality is temporarily out to lunch.

    Or, to put it another way…
    How long do I play the cancer card to justify:

    • the 50-pound souvenir
    • the puffy eyes
    • and my gold-medal commitment to sitting on my ass

    Asking for a friend. (It’s me.)


    In a bold and possibly delusional move toward “rejoining society,” I joined a tai chi class.

    And because apparently I cannot help myself, during introductions I blabbed the whole cancer saga.

    “Hi, I’m Pattie. I’m a few months out from chemo, in remission.”

    WHY.

    The sweet southern ladies nodded with sympathy and concern, and I immediately thought: Why is that still my headline?

    It’s been ten weeks since my last poisoning, yet I’m still oeprating in Cancer First Mode.

    This is not a place I want to linger.

    And yet…


    So I paid good money for a Tai Chi For Everyone class— IN ADVANCE — because nothing motivates like prepaid shame.

    Let’s discuss the bold stupidity of this decision:

    What kind of woman lounges on the sofa for eight months and then says, “You know what sounds fun? Coordinated public movement,”

    This woman.

    Somewhere in my head I must have believed that if I could defeat cancer —TWICE — I could absolutely dominate a slow, gentle, old -people tai chi class.

    WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG.


    We started with breathing.

    Which I felt strong about, since I’ve been practicing that for 69 years.

    Then came something called a “kidney wake-up,” involving sweeping my hands around to my back, down to my feet, and back up again… while continuing to breathe.

    Apparently bending cancels breathing.

    Who knew.

    Then came the “simple” bend-over-hands-flat-on-the-floor-and-hold.

    Now. I am 4’10”. The floor is not geographically far away.

    But between being short armed, round in the middle and freshly deconditioned, there was no way my hands were going flat.

    And HOLD?

    Ma’am, please.

    This was still the warm-up.


    Next came tai chi walking.

    Left foot.
    Right foot.
    Crescent moon.
    Heel touch.
    Toe touch.

    I have already forgotten the sequence.

    My thighs have not.

    And then…

    Cloud hands.

    Let me tell you something about cloud hands.

    The only cloud I experienced was the one my brain floated off on while everyone else moved in slow, graceful harmony.

    By the end, the class looked like synchronized swans.

    And I looked like I was trying to land a small aircraft.


    Today I am supposed to be practicing cloud hands.

    Instead, I will be watching instructional videos.

    Possibly fifty.

    Possibly from the sofa.


    But here’s the part that maters.

    I did not join tai chi to become graceful.

    I joined because I do not want to be “cancer girl” anymore.

    Okay.

    “Cancer older woman.”

    I don’t want that to be my first descriptor in a room.
    Or in my head. Or in my body.

    If awkward crescent-moon-walking is what it takes to shift identities, then so be it.

    My palms may not be flat on the floor.

    But I showed up.

    And right now, that counts.


    I go back tomorrow.

    Wish me lots of luck.

    And maybe a laminated cheat sheet.

    ☁️ 🌈🧘‍♀️☁️

  • Third Time’s the Charm (Or: I’m Too Tired to Be a Hero)

    Do you ever think about what you’d do differently with your life if you were given a second chance?
    Or a third?

    Because let me tell you, cancer recovery gives you plenty of time to design your imaginary TED Talk about How You Became a Better Human.

    The first time around, I had plans. Big ones.
    I was going to help everyone.
    I would join cancer support groups.
    I would mentor.
    I would inspire.
    I would claw my way back up the career ladder like a woman possessed.
    I would be wonderful. I would be awesome. I would be in great shape and radiate purpose and gratitude and probably some kind of soft glow.

    I was going to be worthy of my second chance.

    And honestly? I did some of that.
    But then I went back to work.
    And had bills.
    And needed groceries.
    And liked sleeping.
    And eventually realized that being alive and paying your mortgage takes up a shocking amount of time.

    So I settled into regular life.
    Not heroic life.
    Just… life.
    And I was happy enough to be breathing and functional without needing to save the world before lunch.

    Fast forward 22 years.

    Here we are again.
    Another chance.
    My third chance.

    Only now I’m 69, not 47, and I can say with confidence that I no longer wish to conquer anything—especially the business world. I do not want to climb ladders. I do not want to mentor (no offense). And I definitely do not want to be wonderful and awesome in any way that requires pants with buttons or sustained enthusiasm.

    This time around, my definition of wonderful has… evolved.

    I want to be wonderful in the low-energy, high-peace way.
    The sit-down-frequently way.
    The spreads calm instead of ambition way.

    I want to visit family and friends.
    I want to swim with manatees and dolphins (both of whom seem to have life figured out).
    I want to walk through nature and marvel—marvel—at how beautiful and quiet it can be.
    I want to sit on my dock, watch the geese do whatever judgmental thing geese do, listen to birds, and feel at peace.

    No glow.
    No mission statement.
    No inspirational hashtag.

    Just… peace.

    And I honestly don’t know if this shift is because I’m older, or wiser, or finally learned that rest is not a moral failure.

    Or maybe I’m just tired.

    But if this is what my third chance looks like, I think I’ll take it.

  • 33 Days Post Poisoning

    It has been 33 days since my last official poisoning by chemotherapy.
    Yes, poisoning. Let’s not sugarcoat it — this was not a spa treatment.

    And yet… the effects are still hanging around like an unwanted houseguest who “just needs one more night” and has now been here a month.

    Exhaustion, I have learned, is not just being tired.

    No no.

    Exhaustion is a personality.

    Some days I wake up feeling like a fully functioning human. I do all the things.
    Laundry? Done.
    Errands? Conquered.
    Cooking? Look at me being domestic.

    This energetic miracle can last for several days and I start thinking wildly optimistic thoughts like:

    “Well hell, maybe I’m fine now.”

    That is when the reckoning arrives.

    For the next day or two, I am emotionally and physically paralyzed — like every energetic molecule has been vacuumed straight out of my body. The only known treatment is full vegetation on the couch.

    Not resting.
    Not relaxing.

    Vegetating.

    My brain refuses to form orderly thoughts, so I watch television shows I’ve already seen. Not because they’re good — but because they require absolutely no participation. I cannot handle plot twists. I cannot meet new characters. I cannot commit.

    I need television that says,
    “Don’t worry. You already know how this ends.”

    Looking back, this happened the last time too. I just assumed it was because I had an open wound trying to kill me from the inside. Reasonable conclusion.

    This time, though, there’s no open wound.
    There is, however, the minor detail that I am 21 years older.

    So naturally I thought,
    “Oh. This must just be because I’m 69.”

    But no.

    Turns out it’s not age.
    It’s chemo — still swinging long after the bell rang.

    If history repeats itself (and cancer does love consistency), this phase will pass too.

    Which brings me to my current burning question:

    What the hell comes after this?

    Do I get energy?
    Brain cells?
    Motivation?
    A complimentary tote bag?

    No idea.

    But for now, I will remain on the couch, staring blankly at familiar TV characters who ask absolutely nothing of me — and waiting for my body to remember how to be human again.

    One day at a time.
    Preferably with snacks.