I Confess… I Did This To Myself

Turns out “retired together” is not the same retirement.

I’ve made mistakes before.

Big ones.

But none of them stared me in the face all day.

Okay… I may have pushed my husband to retire.

I did this to myself.

Completely.

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I’ve been retired – well, semi-retired – for over a year now.

By semi-retired, I mean I work from home… in my pajamas… on my own schedule.

It’s a very civilized system.

I earn a little extra money when I feel like it.

And when I don’t feel like it – I simply don’t.

During the last two months of chemo, I took exactly zero assignments.

Turns out chemo brain and legal drafting are not a winning combination.

But overall, I’ve really enjoyed this semi-retired lifestyle (minus the chemo option.)

So much, in fact, that I decided my husband needed to retire too.

He was terribly stressed out.

Which is understandable.

A wife on chemo and a fast-paced, time-draining job he loved would give any man gray hair at an alarming rate.

If the man had hair.

Mine does not.

So in the way that good wives often do, I patiently helped him realize that it was completely his own idea to leave the rat race and come home to enjoy the good life.

And for the first few days?

It was lovely.

I would walk past him sleeping in his chair in the middle of the afternoon and smile.

Look at him, finally resting.

What a thoughtful wife I am.

Then he woke up.

After a few days of rest and observation, he apparently came to the conclusion that I had somehow lost the ability to perform basic household tasks without his expert insight into:

• best practices
• improved efficiency
• and the optimal dishwasher loading strategy

In fairness, he really was just trying to help.

No one asked him to.

But still.

Turns out “retired together” is not the same retirement.

This guidance was provided daily.

Sometimes hourly.

Occasionally continuously.

Clearly, I needed to fix this.

So, being the supportive wife that I am,

I once again helped him arrive at a brilliant idea that was entirely his own.

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He needed a different version of semi-retirement.

One where he could apply all those negotiation skills and efficiency strategies somewhere other than my kitchen.

Once he came up with that idea on his own, he really ran with it.

He did research.

He made a proposal.

He negotiated terms.

And just like that, he created a position that allows him to work:

from home
in his pajamas
on his own schedule

What a genius.

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He does have to go to the work site one day a week.

And I’m not saying I look forward to those days…

…but I have noticed the coffee tastes better,

the lake looks calmer,

and retirement feels a lot more like mine again.

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If you’re still smiling, come back and stay awhile.

Pull up a chair on the deck. We’ll raise a glass – or two.

–Pattie

The water’s sparkling, the dog has opinions… and this Third Act is just getting started.