OH MY BONE at the flies.
Is the lake broken?
The black flying flies.
They are everywhere.
They do not stop.
I am convinced they exist for one purpose and one purpose only:
To torment me personally.
Let me tell you about May flies.
They are very special flies that live in the lake as regular bugs for two whole years.
Then one day they explode out of the water and become flying bugs.
I know these are facts because Mama told me.
Do I fully trust Mama’s explanation?
Not entirely.
She also says I don’t need to bark at suspect squirrels.
So her judgment is questionable.
There are hundreds of them.
Thousands of them.
Possibly millions.
Maybe even billions.
I have not counted them all because I am only one dog.
But I have counted enough
to know I am right.
They hide in the grass.
They hide in the trees.
They hide on the boathouse.
They hide on the windows.
Basically, if a thing exists,
there is probably a fly sitting on it.
Then the moment you find the perfect place to squat…
HERE THEY COME.
Like somebody blew a whistle.
Suddenly they are flying around your head.
Flying in your ears.
Landing on your legs.
Making you question all your life choices.
And let me tell you something else.
They smell bottoms.
I have seen it.
Now, a good bottom sniff is important.
To dogs.
That is a professional courtesy.
A respectful exchange of information.
Flies have no business participating.
They have not earned that privilege.
The worst part is the windows.
They stick to the glass.
I go over to investigate.
They jump off.
Then they fly directly at my face.
Which feels aggressive.
And possibly personal.
Mama explained that after spending two years in the lake,
they only live for a day or two.
A DAY OR TWO.
Imagine waiting two years for anything.
Then spending your entire adult life being annoying.
That is a terrible life plan.
I reported this situation to Management.
Management said,
“They’re just mayflies, Sassy.”
Which is exactly the sort of thing Management says
when they have no intention of fixing the problem.
Also, I have one very important question.
If these are MAY flies…
Why are they still here in JUNE?
I am beginning to think nobody is enforcing the rules.
The only good thing about mayflies is that eventually they die.
Which leads me to believe that even the all-powerful one—
you know, D-O-G spelled backwards—
has reached the end of His patience with them too.
Until then,
I will continue my patrols,
file my complaints,
and conduct all outdoor business under protest.
Sincerely,
Sassy 🐾
A Very Good Girl Under Attack
Third Act With Pattie 